Here is my July Blog: Let’s Talk about Re-entering the Dating Game!
Now that the summer is upon us, the longer days that we all love so much are here! This is when we might be meeting up with family and friends for picnics and outdoor events, as the Governor has expanded our COVID-19 Phase 2 restrictions. We can now enjoy more dining options as well as the opening of a lot of outdoor parks and activities - while still keeping in mind social distancing recommendations. I know everyone is thinking that masks make it difficult to show feeling while interacting at the office or a store, but we still have our words.
Let’s talk about re-entering the dating game. This is a topic I am asked about a lot and everyone wants to know the same thing - will my spouse, girlfriend or boyfriend, or significant other still find me attractive? I certainly hope that amputees in a committed relationship have someone that loves us for more than our body parts. I have heard all sorts of relationship talk from other amputees. Most have good experiences. But for some, there was usually more to it than a person’s limb loss if there are issues.
For new people in general and for first time amputees young and old, entering or reentering the dating game is always something that makes most of us nervous. The most important thing is finding your inner confidence. We have to love ourselves and love our skin! Everyone has to be their own kind of beautiful, and self-love helps us project confidence, happiness and security in who we are. These are desirable features for anyone to have. I think you will find that it can and will help you find or be with that forever someone.
The old saying ”beauty is only skin deep” has a lot of true meaning. If you are not already in a relationship, when you feel ready to consider that, there are a lot of ways to meet people. Make a list of all the things you enjoy doing! Cooking, movies, outdoor concerts, the zoo, museums, art galleries, church groups, and support groups - the list is endless. Then you could start looking for online community events, and go to something with a friend, or venture out on your own and meet people. We, as people, are drawn to each other for many reasons, but finding people with common interests is extremely important. While there are online dating apps for all ages, caution must be taken when meeting with strangers - that goes for anyone.
The idea is to just think about what you liked to do before and don’t let limb loss stop you from resuming your social life. We are still the same people with the same likes and dislikes. The idea is to let people see that we are comfortable with our new normal and then they will not see our differences, they will only see the person they have always known.
Today you will see amputees in all sorts of media - we walk runways, some are athletes, we are featured in TV commercials, as well as in magazines. Media has opened a lot of people’s eyes to the fact we are people, we just have a different kind of normal (but don’t we all?) No two people in the world are alike, what makes us special is that we are all different. So go out into the world and explore! Meet new people, shed old ones that may not see you for you. Every day is a beautiful opportunity to write our own new chapter in the book we call life!! Just take a deep breath and take the leap of faith, there is always someone for everyone out there - we just have to open our eyes and our heart.
Here are some great stories and references from various amputee publications to uplift you and give you hope. There is a wealth of great reads on dating! Find one and create your story.
1. OPEdge - The Myth of a Loveless Future. Jul 2015.
2. Amputee Coaltion of Toronto. Dating, Relationships, Sex After Limb Loss. Feb 2020.
3. Amplitude Magazine. Sex and Intimacy After Amputation. May 2019.
4. Amputee Store. Dating After Limb Loss: What to Expect. May 2020
“Someday, someone’s going to look at you like you are the best thing in the world”. Author: Imjust-a-girl.tumblr
These tips are informed suggestions. If you do not feel comfortable with them, please do not attempt them. Instead as always contact your medical professional or your prosthetist for help and advice.
If you have a question for me about living as an amputee, ask! And if I don’t know the answer, I will find it for you, and I will leave no stone unturned to help you find your own personal new normal. If there is a topic you would like me to feature please let me know! I want us all to grow strong together. Email me at Dawn@dankmeyer.com. This email is not secure, so if you wish to keep any specific health information private, you should call us!
Dawn Miranda recently joined Dankmeyer, Inc. as a Prosthetist Assistant after relocating from San Antonio, TX. To read more about Dawn on our Clinical Staff page, click here.